Noticing God (when you can’t seem to find him)

I know the ocean is right outside those sliding glass doors. It was there last night. I always step out on the spacious balcony of the seaside home Lynn and I are blessed to visit and bid the gulf goodnight. But, as I threw back the curtains this morning, there was nothing but an impossibly opaque curtain of white refusing to reveal anything behind. I strain as hard as I can to catch a glimpse of the missing emerald-green water whose swirling, foamy fringe constantly plays tag with the shore. I look beyond for the family of dolphins that were only yesterday playfully breakfasting just 20 yards beyond where we wade and look for those one-of-a-kind shells. 

It is not unlike finding yourself in a season of life when you look for God in all the familiar places only to find a curtain of struggle and despair that seems to obscure his face. Could it be that God has lost patience with your fragile faith that plays tag with reality and finally turned away? It could be. Maybe God has decided that, in one perfect storm of difficult circumstances that brought you to a crisis of faith, he would contradict every promise found in the Scriptures. 

Surely he was kidding when, in Genesis 28, he told Jacob (by the way, a world-class rascal), “I am with you and will keep you wherever you go…” I’m sure he had his fingers crossed behind his back where, in Psalm 139, it says, “Where can I flee from your presence?” (the implication being, nowhere!) And undoubtedly, in Revelation 21, his intention was to completely bamboozle us when he proclaimed, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with humankind. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.” I’ll bet he cackles sarcastically every time he thinks of that one. 

Okay, not really. I’m the one being sarcastic, but to make an important point. Looking for God can be tricky. Sometimes, when we don’t find him exactly where we last saw him, we assume he has abandoned us, especially when the fog is really dense. Lynn and I recently both were navigating in a thick fog of deep uncertainty. I reread all my favorite promises from the Scriptures (see above), but could not find him, anywhere. The problem was that I was looking for God to appear exactly has he always had, but I had never been in a fog quite like that. I had never been unable to at least see faint traces of God’s presence. 

Eventually, however, I began to notice God in unexpected outlines and shadows. Driving to the hospital one morning, after having ranted at God like the writer of Psalm 13 (“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever…? You get the idea…) I found myself humming along with a Tom Petty song on Spotify (Free Fallin’). I hadn’t hummed along with anything for quite some time. Humming typically accompanies a lightness of being. That certainly wasn’t the case...or was it? I wasn’t angry because I had to park in Lot C, which seems to be halfway to Lenoir City. I just kept humming as I walked toward the hospital and felt, oddly, energized. 

Suddenly, there was a moment of clarity. I immediately started praying and actually said, “Okay, God, I see what you did there.” I didn’t find God in that moment; I noticedhim. We find someone who is lost—gone from our presence. We notice someone who was always there, just on the edge of our perception. I hadn’t actually lost the Gulf of Mexico. I just, temporarily, couldn’t see it. I did, however, notice it. From the balcony, the peaceful white noise of the relentless surf emanated from the fog. I felt the breeze on my face, cooled and scented by the invisible waves. The impatient screech of a gull split the moment with an urgent reminder that the emerald water was right there, as always. 

God can seem to be missing when life takes a turn that suggests an ever-present God wouldn’t allow that to happen. When a layoff slip accompanies the paycheck, when the doctor personally calls you to discuss an anomaly in your routine blood work, when someone you love is struggling for light in the overwhelming darkness, the God we thought we had hemmed in can seem to have bolted from the pen we created with our expectations. 

That’s when we might take a step back and notice God in the shadows. We breathe in and out because his life breathes through us. We feel our heart beating because God is tapping the rhythm. We taste the food we are eating that he provided. We hear his voice in the “good morning” offered by a stranger. We feel His embrace in the hug offered by a friend. We can notice God all around even when we can’t seem to find the assurance of his presence we expected. But then, the blessed assurance we expected rises from these routine and seemingly insignificant notices that meet us in our search.

Everyone experiences seasons when God seems to have taken some time off. It’s part of the rhythm of faith that constantly oscillates between our humanity and God’s Spirit, within. Imagine how Peter must have felt during those three days of darkness after betraying Jesus. He must have thought he had lost God, forever. But then, during a routine fishing trip, he noticed someone cooking breakfast on the shore. That Someone turned out to the Jesus who had been working behind the scenes on his behalf the whole time. He just hadn’t noticed. Yet. 

There Is Something We Can Do

As I move among the several news sites on my iPhone this morning and read the continuing narratives from St. Paul, Baton Rouge, and Dallas, two things come to mind.

One, racism is a pernicious evil that creeps into the soul and relentlessly whispers lies until they become “truth” that is finally acted upon in words and actions both subtle and catastrophic. Racism is highly communicable, easily attaching itself to opinions that become belief systems and stories that manifest as primary narratives that shape families and networks of friends. What begins as a seemingly harmless joke or anecdote becomes lodged in a crease deep in our hearts only to become dislodged when jarred by a life-event or news story that seems to validate what the joke implied. And no one is immune from the disease. It’s part of our fallen humanity that crashed to the ground at the foot of a fruit tree in the garden.

Two, violence will not stop racism any more than a fire can be extinguished with gasoline. To the offended it offers a false and temporary sense of control in a reality where they sense no control over their situation. To the offender it merely reinforces the belief that they are right in their hatred toward another person or group. Perhaps Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. put it best when he said this:

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,

begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.

Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.

Through violence you may murder the liar,

but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.

Through violence you may murder the hater,

but you do not murder hate.

In fact, violence merely increases hate.

So it goes.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,

adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness:

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

I believe that racism, along with every other scourge that besets humankind, began with that thunderous crash in Eden. But, I also believe that the fall of humankind began a series of God-ordained events that resulted in the opportunity for all of us to rise out of the ashes of our fallenness. The image of God we all possess was damaged in the crash at the foot of that tree. I believe that the ultimate answer to racism lies at the foot of another tree. This is why Jesus came. This is what Jesus does. He shines that light, to which Dr. King alluded, into the deepest crevices of our broken hearts and offers kingdom reclamation that will put us on a path toward wholeness. The beauty that fell from the tree in the Garden of Eden was restored on a tree at Calvary. Our job, as followers of Jesus, is to make it so in everyday living.

In light of what I’m reading in the news I am going to invite Jesus into those deep places in my heart with his kingdom flashlight and take a good look to make sure I haven’t missed something. I invited you to do the same. I wish we had the power to immediately heal the brokenness in St. Paul, Baton Rouge, and Dallas, but we don’t. We do, however, have the power to heal any brokenness in our own lives so that we may be messengers of peace, love, and reconciliation in our circles of influence. With Jesus as our Champion and source of strength, we might be surprised how far that could go.

"Wanting to Win is the Point" - Pat Summitt

Sally Jenkins is a columnist for the Washington Post and co-wrote a book called "Reach for the Summit" with her good friend, Pat Summitt. In a column she wrote on June 28th, the day her good friend was released from her battle with Alzheimer's disease, she shared a letter Coach Summitt wrote in 1981 to a freshman player, Shelia Collins, on the occasion of her first game as a Lady Vol. Here are excerpts from that letter:

Shelia, this is your first game. I hope you win for your sake, not mine. Because winning's nice. It's a good feeling. Like the whole world is yours. But it passes, this feeling. And what lasts is what you've learned. And what you've learned about is - life. That's what sport is all about - life. Winning is fun, sure. But winning is not the point. Wanting to win is the point. Not giving up is the point. The secret of the game is in doing your best. To persist and endure, 'to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.'

I'm proud to be your coach...

Later that season, playing against a highly rated Southern Cal team featuring Cheryl Miller, one of the greatest the game has seen, the Lady Vols were down one point with 12 seconds left in overtime. They had missed a shot on their last trip down the court and Coach Summitt called a timeout. Southern Cal would have the ball, so Coach Summitt turned to Sheila, playing in her first big game, looked her in the eyes and said, "We need the ball." Somehow Collins tipped the lobbed inbounds pass, grabbed the ball, and streaked down the court for the winning layup. The young freshman took her coach's words to heart and refused to give up. She wanted to win, and, in this case, the desire to win resulted in winning. The same lesson learned that night would keep her motivated later that year when Collins suffered a severe knee injury. The desire to win would drive her to win that battle and return to play, again. 

In the past five years, Coach Summitt took her own words to heart and refused to give up. Drawing upon lessons learned in the hay field with her father, in the kitchen with her mother, and on the court with countless players and coaches, Coach Summitt never gave up even as Alzheimer's made its cruel and unyielding march through her brain. Some might say that, in this case, the desire to win wasn't enough, that the disease defeated her. But that would be to simply look at the story from the surface. Deeper investigation reveals that the desire to win was, in fact, enough. With the disease giving her its best shot, Coach Summitt made public appearances to support her foundation which is dedicated to defeating this terrible opponent. She met with Alzheimer's patients and their caregivers to offer support and encouragement even as she was receiving the same from her support network. I firmly believe that her commitment to "seek," "find," and "not yield" will have a major impact on the ongoing quest to one day find a way to prevent and cure Alzheimer's. 

As we get up each day to live this precious life God has granted through his great grace, may we remember Coach Summitt's lessons that are ratified in the Scriptures and our Wesleyan heritage. Perfection is not the point. We can never attain it. However, we can "want" perfection and strive for it as John Wesley exhorted his early "methodists." "Strive" to do no harm, "seek" and we shall surely "find" ways to do good, and "do not yield" to Satan's encouragement for us to give up loving our God who loves us so dearly. May God bless Coach Summitt's family and friends with comfort and peace, as well as all who are touched by dementia in any form, and may we all seek a life of commitment to Christ and his kingdom that reflects Coach Summitt's commitment to her players and the game to which she gave her life. 

Blessings,

Larry

Love Overcomes Daily Devotion #40 3/26/16

Day #40

Larry Trotter

Words of Love

 

30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24:30-32 NIV

 

Overcoming the Barrier

 

Previously, I referred to taking the Disciple Bible Study in 1989 as the catalyst for my spiritual reawakening. I would like to wrap up this Lenten devotional series by zooming in on the night it all clicked. Our study group spent the fall and early winter working through the Old Testament reading the exciting narratives about Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the dramatic story of the Exodus, the, let’s face it, tedious minutia of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, and the political intrigue surrounding the prophets, and the ultimate fall of Israel and Judah. The New Testament was as welcomed as the early spring weather that accompanied it. I loved reading the first three gospels and making connections with the Old Testament stories and prophecies that had always pointed to Jesus but needed context to connect the dots. Then, one night while I was alone in the house, I was sitting on the couch reading the resurrection account from John’s gospel. Mary Magdalene was standing outside the empty tomb, crying and confused, wondering what had happened to Jesus. Suddenly, a man she thought was the gardener but was actually the resurrected Christ said to her, “Mary.” She turned and cried out, “Rabboni,” or teacher. As I read that exchange between Mary and Jesus I began to cry. It seemed to come from out of nowhere. As soon as Jesus called her name, it was as if he called my name, as if he knew that I had been looking for him, too. It was one of the most profound experiences of my life. Without question Jesus had been revealing himself to me for months as I explored his Word. It was at that particular moment that all the study made its way from my head to my heart. I have never been the same.

 

The setup for today’s passage is that those two disciples were going home after the crucifixion and resurrection. Along the way, Jesus joined them on the journey and began to explain all that had happened. Then, after asking him to stay for dinner, he broke the bread, connecting everything with the Passover meal they had eaten with him, and they suddenly realized it was Jesus. As they reflected on their journey they remembered how their hearts burned as he opened the Scriptures to them. For Methodists this can’t help but stir thoughts of John Wesley’s experience at a Bible study when his heart was strangely warmed and he, too, received a vision of Jesus, visceral if not visual. This leads me to let you in on the two goals I have for these devotions. The first is to be an encouragement. It’s easy to find our lives roiling with conflict. Work, retirement, family, finances, and relationships are enough to keep us on our knees. Then, you add the social and political conflict in our country that seems to be boiling over and uncertainty grows. Finally, global concerns such as hunger, political oppression, and the growing threat of terrorism are constantly at the top of our headlines page. I wanted to offer a perspective that underscores the timeless, non-negotiable love of God that is a constant against the constantly changing tides of local, national, and world affairs. The other goal is to encourage you to study God’s Word. If you are a Jesus-follower and in a church but are not in a regular class where you can explore God’s Truth, I am asking you to get involved in one. If you are a Jesus-follower but not in a church, please, find one. Yes, you can be a Christian without going to church, but it’s like joining a health club and never walking or swimming or lifting weights. There will be no transformation. Finally, if you have never given your life to Jesus, now is the time. There are lots of really good people, some of whom even go to church, that have never established that rock-solid relationship with Jesus. Today would be a good day to be the first day of the rest of your life with Christ. Just do this: simply pray and confess your sins, shortcomings, and insecurities to our God whose specialty is forgiving. (Believe me, I know. I have asked for and received a lot of forgiveness.) Then, ask Jesus to become the center of your life. Put another way, get out of the driver’s seat, toss Jesus the keys, and call “shotgun.” You will embark on a journey that will take you over amazing terrain, will sometimes be bumpy, but will most certainly be unforgettable. If it would be helpful, just reply to this email (larry@concordumc.com for those reading the blog) and let’s talk. Remember, there is no barrier that the love of God in Christ Jesus cannot overcome. And, whoever you are, thank you for reading, and please know this; I love you.

 

Prayer

 

Lord Jesus, make my life all about you. From this point on, I am yours, and you are mine. In your name, amen.

 

Love Overcomes Daily Devotion #39 3/25/16

Day #39

Larry Trotter

Words of Love

8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” Luke 5:8 NIV

Overcoming the Barrier

If you were to take an overhead view of my faith journey it might resemble US 129, otherwise known as The Dragon. This motorcycle-eating stretch of road running through Tennessee and North Carolina has 318 curves in only 11 miles of pavement. My journey began at a familiar starting point, regular church attendance with my family including Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. Later, I participated in the youth group and sang in the choir. But all of that came to screeching halt at the first hairpin turn upon my graduation from high school. My first (and only) ill-fated year registered at the University of Tennessee—it would be disingenuous to say that I attended UT—was interrupted by my passion for music and desire to travel the southeast in a rock and roll band, a curvy road to say the least. My faith was soon disappearing in the rearview mirror of our equipment truck as our band hit the stages of bars and nightclubs from Norfolk to Tampa and all points in between. When disco reared its ugly head in the mid-70s clubs started hiring DJs instead of bands and we parked the truck and I was right back where I started, a few years older, disoriented from all the twists and turns, and carrying the emotional baggage (read guilt and regret) that comes along with the gypsy rock and roll lifestyle. My faith had run off the road and down a ravine of doubt that God could even consider forgiving me for the last five years of my life. However, thanks to the love of the woman who became my wife, the insightful, brutally honest Episcopal priest who married us, and a staggeringly compassionate God who just wouldn’t give up I eventually found myself back at church with Lynn and our first daughter. It was there that I took the Disciple Bible Study and met God on his terms, not mine. I went into the study relating very closely to Peter’s words in today’s verse. I couldn’t really imagine that Jesus was interested in cozying up to a guy who probably still smelled like a rock and roll club the morning after a big night (a breathtaking stench, by the way). It was there with those 11 other seekers that I heard the next verse: “Then Jesus said to Simon, ‘Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.’” What? Don’t be afraid? God still loves me? Jesus hasn’t written me off? The grace that I discovered in that Bible study literally changed my life. God’s love met my doubts head-on and began a new journey that, 27 years later, has led to these devotions I’m writing as a pastor in a church. Amazing grace, indeed.

The doubt that Peter expressed in today’s verse would not be his last. One can only imagine the crushing doubt following his denial of Jesus. But the doubt came from Peter’s insecurity about his understanding of Jesus, not Jesus’ uncertainty about his love for Peter. Doubt is a natural response to something that just doesn’t make sense. And let’s face it; grace often doesn’t make sense. But grace flows out of kingdom values, not the world’s. As Paul writes in 1^st Corinthians 1:27, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise…” Don’t be afraid of doubt; and don’t let it get the last word. Doubt is a perfect opportunity for heaven to meet earth because God loves to reveal himself at the very moment we’re sure we can’t find him. But while you’re doubting, remember this one thing: God loves you and there is nothing you can do to change that. There are plenty of Scriptures that point to his unfailing love. But, if you’re ever stuck and can’t think of one, just sing this: “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Hmmm, don’t quit your day job.

Prayer

God of lost sheep, I’m right here. I know where I’ve been and I doubted you wanted me back. Please take me in your arms and never let me go. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Love Overcomes daily Devotion #38 3/24/16

Day #38

Larry Trotter

Words of Love

18 John’s disciples told him about all these things. Calling two of them, 19 he sent them to the Lord to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”

30 But the Pharisees and the experts in the law rejected God’s purpose for themselves, because they had not been baptized by John.)

Luke 7: 18, 19, 30 NIV

Overcoming the Barrier

Let’s shift our focus from death to doubt for our last three devotions. Admittedly, the verses above don’t seem to make much sense as a set, but let me explain. John the Baptist is in prison at this point and, though he recognized Jesus as God’s chosen and baptized him, he may be struggling with why his life is falling apart with the Messiah so near. The Pharisees, on the other hand, were not baptized by John because they rejected his premise of preparing for the coming Messiah, Jesus. What is revealed is how doubt can infiltrate believers as well those who don’t believe. When I took my first church I was still working full time at a radio station. Some of my coworkers were believers and asked me if I would lead a Bible study once a week during lunch. An interesting dynamic began to unfold. One of the members of the Bible study was dealing with significant disappointment in his personal and professional life. He seemed to think that God had turned his back on him due to a couple of bad choices. He doubted whether God still cared about him and his faith was waning. Also, we had an employee who was a militant, self-avowed atheist. She assumed that the thrust of our time together each week was to rake all the non-Christians over the coals in judgment and condemnation. She would grill me each week after Bible study with one of the stock let’s-trip-up-the-Christian questions like, “are all the monks in Tibet going to hell because they’re not Christian?” or “wouldn’t three days after the crucifixion be Monday?” I loved the questions because it gave me a chance to offer grace with my answers or simply say that I’m not sure about the answer but God is and I’ll just trust him for now. Though she doubted the very existence of God, she talked about him more than I did. The believer doubted because the circumstances of his life seemed contrary to what he expected as a Christian. The atheist doubted because she had grown up in a household that didn’t believe but what she was learning about Christians created more questions than answers so she just kept asking.

In the case of John the Baptist and the Pharisees both seemed to be dealing with doubt. In John’s case, he believed, but the circumstances of his life were such that it created enough doubt for him to point blank ask if Jesus were the Messiah. As for the Pharisees, they didn’t want to believe because their religious traditions didn’t support the reality of who Jesus was based upon his ministry. My guess is John was satisfied with the answer he received and died knowing he had seen the Messiah. We can’t say with certainty how things turned out for the Pharisees, except for one in particular named Nicodemus whose evening visit with Jesus is recorded in the third chapter of John. He came with questions and wound up defending Jesus in front of his colleagues and helped place his body in the tomb. As for my coworkers, the doubting believer never lost his faith and actually grew from his wilderness experience. I learned some time ago that my atheist friend tried a couple of churches, accepted Christ, and is raising her children in the church. The point is simple. Doubt is part and parcel of the human experience and that includes our faith experience. However, it doesn’t mean that doubt is always an enemy of faith. Sometimes doubt, when embraced and explored, can lead to deeper faith because of what we learn from the questions doubt inspires. Remember, Thomas wasn’t the only doubting disciple who went on to lead the early church.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, please meet me in my doubts and be patient with me. I have questions that aren’t meant to disrespect you but instead to get to know you better. In your name, amen.